It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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