Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I want her autograph on my taint
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
