I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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