I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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