all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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