what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
