I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
