i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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