And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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