Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
