Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
