Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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