So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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