Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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