this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
