Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
