if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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