Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
