i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
