Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
