dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
