You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
