There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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