You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am naked and annoyed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
