I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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