you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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