dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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