Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
