Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize