HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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