I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
