Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You dont lie about slip and slides
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
