Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
