I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm too high and old for this...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
