yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
