i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
