dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
