I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
