We're like a lot better than the average bears
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
