So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
