They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
