Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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