You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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