i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
