You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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