you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
