he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I currently don't understand fingers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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