it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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