this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
