What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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