whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
