The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
