I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
