I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
