oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
