I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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