Buhtt sex?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
