Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
