I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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