to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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