I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
