I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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