my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
