ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
