dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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