just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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