doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
