my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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