God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
