i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
