My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
