When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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